This Sunday is Easter.  It’s the time when we celebrate Jesus…doing something.  

Except I’m not really sure what exactly that is. Isn’t that horrible?  After all these years of Easter, and I'm hard pressed to explain exactly why we celebrate this fluffy holiday.

It seems like Easter is when we eat roasted duck to celebrate how Jesus turned into a Zombie and changed the reproductive system of rabbits so they lay colored eggs once a year.  And then he was called back home to heaven to sit next to his father.  I think I got most of it, at least the jist of it anyway.

All kidding aside, wver wonder why we have somehow attached Jesus "coming back to life" to a rabbit laying eggs in the night?

I guess the fact that I don’t have any children to lie to means that I don’t get the handbook to explain the reasoning behind the lies in the first place.  (There is a handbook isn’t there?  It comes with a onesy and some diapers right?  I really don’t know how you people deal with this parenting thing, honestly.)

iStockphoto - EggHunt

The main tradition we follow in America is the decorating of eggs, hiding them, then forcing the kids to find them before they start to smell, which of course brings out the snakes, who then attack the children who didn’t find any eggs.

(Or is that just in my family?)

Looking around the world at some other traditions we find that the Germans also believe that a rabbit crossed paths with Jesus in the cave, so they too decorate the eggs.  Also popular in Germany is the Easter tree, or Osterbaum.  People would take the decorated eggs and hang them from trees, or large branches.

I like the Irish traditions.  The Irish would prepare for Easter by doing a round of “spring cleaning”.  Wait, it gets better.  They would also buy new clothes, cut their hair, and cut their fingernails.  My question is why in the world would this only happen once a year?  “Can’t wait for May Day so I can shower.”

As for a sense of humor, the Irish have it.  And I guess that is where I get mine.  To Lent, the Irish would hold a funeral for a herring.  “The fish is dead, pass the dead flesh, and God help you if you forget the potatoes.”

When is it considered “good” to hang someone from a cross?  Well, on Good Friday of course.  And in England, they like to serve Hot Cross Buns, and Simnel Cake to break the Lenten fast.

But that pails in comparison to what goes on in the Philippines.  They like to “keep it real” by reenacting the crucifixion of Christ.  It’s not encouraged by the church, but it does take place on Good Friday and involves people volunteering to actually be nailed to a cross.  

I will never complain about sitting through boring Easter dinners with my family ever again.

In Spain you might want to partake in the Danza de la Muerte, or Dance of Death.  It happens on Holy Thursday and goes back to the 14th Century during the time of the Black Death.  It involves five people dressing up as skeletons and touring the town scaring people.

These are just a few of the many traditions from around the globe that we partake in to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. (thanks Wikipedia).  Some of you might be a little upset about my comments.  For that I apologize that you’re so easily offended.  Good thing someone died for my sins.

.