I mentioned on-air last week that, despite my occupation of choice requiring me to do so, I was going to shut-up and stop talking for a couple days.  If I would have done that I may not have made a 4-year-old girl cry.

I'm a believer that bad things come in 3's.  Plane crashes, celebrity deaths and me speaking without thinking all come three-at-a-time.  It was upon realizing late last week that I had upset someone on two different occasions earlier in the week that I decided to shut down my endless talking and just shut-up.  That doesn't work out well when your job involves a microphone and speaking obligations.

Looking back at it now I'm not even sure what/who the first incident involved.  I just remember thinking when it happened, "Look around the room next time to see who's around before making a jackass statement".  Although I don't remember who the victim was, I remembered feeling stupid enough to lecture myself on keeping my mouth shut.  That lecture didn't work.

Who's that loud mouth with the microphone standing in the background? Photo credit Photo Wolfe.

The next moment of stupidity involving my mouth was at a Baylor baseball game last Tuesday.  I do the PA announcing, which includes player introductions, announcements, promotions, etc.  I occasionally call out a fan or a Diamond Girl (on-field assistants to the team) for making an excellent catch on a foul ball by saying, "Give that fan/Diamond Girl a roster spot".  I also occasionally call out a fan or Diamond Girl with a, "Give that fan/Diamond Girl an error".

Apparently, this new batch of Diamond Girls didn't get that memo from the preceding year's crew.  After watching the Diamond Girl in question drop a foul ball dropping off the netting behind home plate, I made the announcement.  It may have been the tone of my voice.  It may be that I'm not as funny as I think I am.

Whatever the reason, there was a collective, "Ooooooooohhhhhhh", from the entire crowd.  Even from a good 50 yards away from the Diamond Girl in question, I could see the hurt on her face.  She covered her face with her hands and put her head in her lap to hide from the now-laughing crowd.  It wasn't a mean laughter, but it was enough.

Doesn't really matter what kind of microphone it is, I'm generally saying something risky. Photo by me

It was after that Tuesday night game that I decided to keep my mouth shut.  I even mentioned on-air that I was going to shut up for a couple days.  Aside from the necessary announcements and talking that comes with my normal radio shows, I kept my mouth shut.  Until Saturday morning, that is.

Saturday morning brought with it emceeing duties at the 9th Annual St. Patty's Day 10K, 5K & Kids' 1K fun run.  It was during the few hours I spent on the microphone emceeing the runs that I made my 3rd (and 4th) stupid statement(s).  There was a young lady, 3 or 4 years of age, that wasn't in a very good mood to begin with.  She cried when she was left with mom as dad ran in the 10K.  She cried when it was time to start the 1K kids run, and she burst into tears at the finish line a few minutes later as I encouraged her to finish the run.

Apparently, adults appreciate the words of encouragement (for the most part) far more than 4-year-olds.  Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the loud mouth with the microphone that just made a little girl cry.  The stares of disappointment were certainly deserved.  4-year-olds cry.  She'd cried several times already that morning.  I'm thinking it wasn't me.  That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

Chances are good that I'm saying something stupid here. Photo credit John Cearley.

My true masterpiece of stupidity came just a few minutes later.  I'd made a joke as the runners were leaving at the start of the race that a pregnant woman pushing a stroller with a toddler in it got two free entries with her race entry fee because of the children (or soon-to-be child).  When she returned I made a statement to the effect of, "Here she comes.  She only paid for one entry, but she's running for three!  Give the mom-to-be a big round of applause".

The only problem?  It was the wrong woman pushing a stroller.  It was a very NOT pregnant mother pushing her young daughter in her stroller for the entire 5K portion of the race.  Yes.  Wrong stroller.  Wrong woman.  NOT pregnant.  I'd just become the guy that asks, "How far along are you?" to a woman NOT along AT ALL.  I caught my mistake as soon as I said it and saw it was a different woman, but it was too late to keep the eyes from once again staring at me.

Your call here.  What's the worst stupid-statement of my week?  Was it nearly making a female college student cry?  Was it making a 4-year-old girl cry?  Was it calling a woman (on a very loud microphone) pregnant when she was, in fact, not pregnant at all?  So much stupid.  So little time.