Guess the Reason A Man Named Zopittybop is in the News

This Stupid News Network Update is an important lesson for all soon-to-be parents.  Pay attention, because it could very well affect your child's life FOREVER.  

We've seen a steady stream of crazy celebrity baby names over the past decade.  Most recently the world was introduced to North West, Kanye & Kim's demon spawn.  In a country where everyone is born with the same opportunity to make something of themselves, from pop star to president, Kim & Kanye have just ensured their child will never list his home address as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Whether it's Apple, Seven, Sage Moonblood, Reignbeau, Tu or Audio Science, parents are forever limiting their children's ability to lead a normal life.  Not that North West was ever going to live an ordinary life, but parents might as well tattoo a giant pentagram in the middle of their kid's forehead if they're naming a kid Denim.  Of course, these celebrity children probably won't be walking into a Home Depot to fill out an application when they're an adult, but what about kids from seemingly ordinary families?

Take Levi Johnston, for example.  Levi is best known as the man that knocked up Bristol Palin.  He named his kid Breeze Beretta.  That's a kid that will one day be forced to enter the job market named after a gun company.  In Alaska that might not be such a terrible name (given their love of guns), but if Breeze decides to blow on down to the lower 48 it'll be a lost cause.  I wonder if Levi regrets the name... yet.

Sometimes parents are to blame for poor decisions in naming their children, but sometimes it's a grown-up renaming themselves that produces a big ol' WTF. Take Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, an Iowa man that once again finds himself in the news.  Beezow legally changed his name, and when he found himself on the wrong end of the law in 2012 the world took notice.  Being arrested on drug charges again July 20th, this time in Iowa, Beezow proves sometimes it's very easy to judge a book by its cover.

Zopittybop-bop-bop took time to explain the meaning behind his name, but all it did was confirm for us that he was definitely HIGH when he thought of the name.  At least when a parent gives a baby a terrible name you can blame it on the medication given during delivery.  This guy just had a highdea (high idea), and surprisingly had the follow-through to go through the legal channels to change his name.  If only he'd put that much effort into NOT BREAKING THE LAW, we could all go on with our day.

Parents, think long & hard about what you're doing to your child when you brand them forever as Moon Unit.  With as much time as we spend online, maybe just save the wacky name for your Twitter handle.  Every parent wants their children to grow up to be successful, leaving an impact on the world.  The only problem is, when you name your kid Denim, the only place they're going to leave an impact is in a Stupid News Network Update.

Sometimes parents name their kid a seemingly normal name, only to regret it later.  Maybe I'm just a little sensitive over this name issue because my parents gave me a girl's name.  People ask me from time to time if Jamie is my real name, and my response is always, "I sure wouldn't give myself a radio name as stupid as Jamie".  My initials are J-A-G, which is actually kinda cool.  I'm just thankful they didn't name me Frank.