Jamie Garrett Comes Across a Piece of Paper, With His Handwriting, That He Just Can’t Remember Writing
It's just a piece of paper I found stuffed in the back of one of the many folders I use to keep track of my TPS reports and various radio tower readings. It's what's written on the page that has me baffled.
I can't figure it out. I see that, on the side of the page, I've got notes that may look convoluted, but are actually quite coherent to me.
That mumbo-jumbo in the picture above is nothing more than copy points (Cliff's Notes) for a commercial I was producing for a business in Alaska. Ice bowling. Sound fun? The real question, and it has me doubting my sanity, is exactly what the list of three random statements in the picture below has to do with anything.
It's likely something for a comedy "bit" I was working on, but I don't do much in the way of actual comedy at work, let alone on the same sheet as actual "work". Let's go through each individual statement and try to decipher the oddity of my brain.
1. I like cheese - I do. I love cheese. Real cheese. Fake Cheese. Just no smelly or blue cheese. Why that line is here, I have no idea. That's not even a fact I share with anyone. Fat guys typically don't have to let the world know they're a fan of any specific food. It's assumed. This couldn't have been a grocery list because there's no mention of beer being needed. There's never a trip to the store where that's NOT on the list.
2. Why Can't I Feel My Legs - This is the statement from the page that really jumped off the paper (so to speak) and grabbed my attention. Was I having a stroke and this was a cry for help? I hope not. That cry was never answered, if it was a cry for help. Again, I'm led to believe this is a random attempt at humor on the website, but there's nothing else on who would be speaking those statements. For the record, I've got feeling in both my legs. I haven't had sensation in the back of my left shoulder since I had a drinking incident in college, but that's a different story for a different day. Or maybe a story that should/will never be told.
3. I Think My Diaper's Full - Give credit to whichever of my multiple personalities wrote this bizarre statement. At least proper grammar was used in the placement of the apostrophe. That's a relief. I'm going crazy, but at least my insanity-induced manifesto will use the King's English in a proper manner. The only person, other than the elderly, that would sound sane using this statement would be Stewie from Family Guy. Even then, it's a stretch. There's no "thinking" about it. Your diaper is either full, or it's... you know what, I'm not sure why I'm thinking about this any more. Let's just assume that I've gone off the rails here, and precaution should be used near me at all times.