Country music is built around a lot of tough guys, occasionally crying into their beer.  Make no mistake, the tears would dry and weapons would be drawn should the need arise.  Chicken wire is put up in honkey tonks, after all.

I've nearly been in a fight twice.  Both times in my teenage years, and both times it was comically bad.  I've never taken a punch.  My ability to BS has gotten me out of more fights than I can count.  In my older years I've generally tried to avoid the places that fights tend to take place, like Walmart on a Sunday.  Or a Monday.  Or a Tuesday.  Or... well, you get the point.

All this is being put right out there to tell you I'm a lover, not a fighter.  I'm not a great lover, either, so you can imagine how bad of a fighter I must have been.  My move is to try to befriend a tough-looking dude in case things get heated.  I can talk a good talk.  I just don't want anything to do with that walk.

Someone tough, reliable and quick with a pool cue are all key attributes needed for a good back-man, a guy that's got your back in case it goes downhill fast.  I give you:

Three to See - 3 Country Musicians I'd Like to Have My Back In a Fight

 

  • 1

    Trace Adkins

    If you think I'm going for the obvious jab of Trace's almost-certain history of barroom brawls during his low points in his battle with alcoholism, I'm not.  The man has made attempts to clean up his life, and despite the setbacks, he's done an admirable job.

    I'm more impressed with the man's toughness.  The dude took bullets to the chest from an ex-wife.  He had a football cut off and half-assed reattached, yet still plays guitar through the pain.

    The fact that he's 6'6" of country-tough, he's my dude in a pinch.  That sounded worse than it was supposed to be.

    Credit Getty Images
  • 2

    Miranda Lambert

    I may be a sad excuse of a man for wanting to have a lady get my back in a fight, but come on.  I mean... come on.  The woman is tougher than nails.  She openly sings about physically harming men for ill treatment toward her, and although they're fictitious songs written by other people, I really think there's bite that comes with that bark.

    The thing about women that are willing to harm their man if he gets out of line is that they're also willing to bring harm onto people that threaten their man.

    It's the 21st century.  Equal rights and all.  Women are our equals.  That means protecting others goes both ways.  If someone's up in her grill I'll go down swinging.  I expect the same.  And Miranda Lambert seems like the type that would make that happen.

  • 3

    WIllie Nelson

    "OK, Jamie, you've lost your damn mind", you're probably thinking to yourself.  Alright, fair enough.  I can see why you'd think I was crazy for picking an 81-year-old man to have my back in a fight.  But stop and think about it.  There's not a person anywhere in the world that might find me potentially getting into a fight that hasn't heard of Willie Nelson.  And to know Willie is to love Willie.

    Honestly, if there's someone that sees me rolling with Willie Nelson and still wants to fight me, they're somebody I want nothing to do with.  Knowing that, no one at my side could have saved me.  And knowing THAT, it's time to run.  Having an 81-year-old pothead running as well means I've got a much better shot at NOT being the first person caught.  Survival of the fittest.

    Credit Getty Images