Jamie Garrett Unleashes His Criticism of Last Night’s Super Bowl Halftime Show
Admittedly, I was in the kitchen making sausage balls during the halftime show, but I made sure to annoy everyone in the living room before I left by turning the TV up as loud as it would go.
What I heard sounded like the shrieking of a dying hyena on the plains of the Serengeti. I wasn't impressed. If those tracks were prerecorded, someone needs to up the autotune next time around. If that was live, it shows what happens when you don't have 80 takes in a studio to get it just right.
The lack of true musical ability outside a recording studio is why I love it when the rockers get a chance to shine during the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Rumors have been spreading about the NFL's demands that halftime performers give a set percentage of concert ticket revenue in the months following an artist commands the biggest stage in the world.
If that's the case, we should all get a refund for that terrible performance. I know people were pumped when Missy Elliot and Lenny Kravitz performed, but that's only because that was a better option than Katy Perry. When I occasionally poked my head around the corner, what I saw looked like a drag show based on the life of Liberace.
I should be upfront with you by letting you know I have a preexisting hatred for Katy Perry. Not only did she abandon her Christian music roots when she discovered that her boobs would sell albums, but she slummed it with Russel Brand, who, coincidentally, would have been the ONLY person that would have made for a worse halftime show than Katy herself.
My true dislike for Katy came when she (drunkenly?) made unsolicited advances at Oklahoma QB Trevor Knight during "College Game Day" on ESPN. At that time, OU was undefeated and in the Top 5. After her sloppy-drunk appearance on "Game Day", OU finished the season 4-5 and wrapped up the season with a 40-6 drubbing at the hands of Clemson. So... yeah, I no like her.
True, this is the biggest annual sporting event in the world (take that, every-4-years World Cup fans), but it's still a male-driven event. Yes, the ladies are watching for the commercials, but shouldn't the diehard American men that make the NFL the biggest pro sport in the country be rewarded with something we'll actually like?
I know, I know. We can't have controversy. If we were naming artists based solely on the NFL demographics, we'd probably end up with Lil Wayne. We can't have that. I get it. What we also can't have is terrible pop music. It doesn't translate. It's best when it's fresh out of the studio, perfected by the true talent, the producers and engineers.
Here's my wish list and suggestions for Super Bowl 50:
1. Blake Shelton- OK, so Blake doesn't exactly nail the demographic, but among NFL fans of teams from Texas and the south, it would be a big hit. He's got a ton of well-known, up-tempo, fun songs with which to work. The drawback is that he's a tall, goofy guy that isn't usually associated with the pyro display we get during a Super Bowl halftime show. Solve that by bringing out the Mrs. Bring out a lineup of country cutie after country cutie to duet with Blake and that will solve everything.
2. Haight-Ashbury Hodgepodge- Super Bowl 50 is set to be played at the new San Francisco 49ers stadium in Santa Clara, CA. Why not bring together surviving members of the San Fran 60s music scene (there may be one or two still alive) and mix in some of today's hottest rockers/pop stars to sing the music of Jimi, Janis, the Dead and all the others that defined the generation.
3. Everybody- With this being the 50th Super Bowl, why not bring back everyone willing that's every performed at halftime. It would be a collection of artists rivaling "We Are the World". Prince, Madonna, the Stones, the Who, and even Justin and Janet can bring their nipple guards. Bring down the house with a performance that would leave the 2nd half of the game as 2nd-fiddle.