Tis the season to slap pumpkin on everything.

I'm a big fan of pumpkin. On Thanksgiving I would attack every pumpkin pie I could find. I let the people with good teeth/dentures tackle the pecan pie.

As an adult I still enjoy pumpkin. Of course, since I'm a morbid obese glutton, I don't bother waiting for the fall to eat it.

My most favorite way to eat it is to mix it in with a protein shake. There's no big secret to how to make it. I put 8 ounces of Almond milk in the blender. Add three or four scoops of pumpkin, a spoonful of splenda brown sugar, a dash of pumpkin spice, and/or cinnamon. Turn the Ninja loose on it. If I'm feeling daring I'll add a banana, preferable the overripe frozen kind.

When I explain it to my co-workers, they think it sounds great. Then I tell them name I call it. Since it comes out brown, I simply call it Diarrhea!

I know it's hard to believe, but asking a person if they want to try a glass of my diarrhea seems to make people have a gag reflex. I feel I should be piped into a Victoria Secret dressing room with a video of me asking if they want to slurp up a bucket of my tasty pumpkin spice diarrhea. You know, to help them keep that impossible girly figure.