Things You Need to Know Before You Tan
I have avoided tanning beds. I burn, I don’t tan. If I spend a day out on the lake I wake up the next day looking like a tomato. I was recently cursed err wait I mean blessed with the gift of standing by my friend as she says “I do”. When I tried on the bridesmaids dress I realized my pasty white skin was NOT going to look good with the dress, I had to do the unimaginable, I went to the tanning salon. I wish I would have read up tips and tricks before I went in. Since I didn’t I wrote one out for anyone considering making their first visit to the tanning salon.
Here is a list of things you need to know before you decide to try and not blend in with the white linens at the wedding.
1. Before you spray tan, the staff at the tanning salons will encourage you to use a tanning bed a week before your main event.
2. Before you lay in a tanning bed, make sure the door to the room you’re in is locked. (Otherwise someone will walk in and think it’s Thanksgiving because they see a giant turkey basting in the oven. It will scar both of you forever.)
3. You’ll be singing Johnny Cash. Yes, It BURNS! Make sure you stay under the suggested time inside the bed.
4. This one is for my fellow big girls, there will be some crevasses that the light wont hit. Your back will look like a mainly red candy cane.
5. When it’s time to step into the spray tan booth ask a staff member to walk you through it. (Leave your clothes on when it happens, otherwise it gets a little awkward.)
6. After you apply your primer, apply blending lotion to your hands. (The tanning bar will provide it for you in the sunless tanning room.)
7. When you are inside of the tanning booth and the spray is going, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!
8. The sunless tanning booth will make you feel like you’re the drunk aunt at the party dancing La Macarena, “Now raise your right arm.”
9. When you get out of the spray tan session USE THE BLENDING LOTION AGAIN. Otherwise, you’ll look like me and my brown sausage fingers.
10. Be prepared for the comments from your co-workers.
- “OMG you switched races overnight!”
- “Are you related to our President?”
- “Dude, you look dark AF”
- “I may be way off, but did you get a tan during your vacation?” (Umm I never left for vacation.)
- Someone walking behind you singing the Oompa Loompa song.
Point is, make sure you know how a spray tan works BEFORE you go in and get one done a day before your big event. If we have made the same mistake, let’s praise the lord for camera filters.
Your now orange friend.