Big Q Tip


Hey Gang,

Had a call over the weekend asking if I’m going to the big wedding in Minnesota this summer, alas no.  I still have a “blood clot” issue so stuffing my bulk into a plane seat, or in a car seat for many hours is a no-no.  But it struck a memory from my past that leads into the tip of the day.

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There was a time when I worked a “real” job.  Had to wear dress clothes, even shoes that shined, I know, tough to picture but it happened.  I’m not proud of it, but there comes a time in everyone’s life that you have to compromise.  Sure there are times that I wish it could have been something more respectful, like porn, but regrets are the “bouillon base” of life’s soup.

Anyway, it should be stated that I’ve been blessed with two attributes, humor and work ethic.  One will get you fired, the other will get you promoted.  Well before I got fired, I was part of the training team that got to travel to other cities.  At this time I was not as “large” as I am now, I’d say I was tippin the scales at around 250.

One of the towns I had to travel to was Scottsbluff Nebraska.  For those who don’t know it’s on the west side of Nebraska, near the South Dakota,Wyoming,Colorado border.  To get there from Minot North Dakota, you first have to fly into Minneapolis and stay there for most of the day.  You’d then fly into Denver and have to run to get to the plane to Scottsbluff.  It might be different now, but in early 90’s the “planes” that went to Scottsbluff had what the Wright brothers called “those spinning things in back”.  We call them propellers.  Good for boat motors, scary for planes.

Well, when I was boarding the “Buddy Holly” express, the ticket people were asking how much each of us weighed.  I’m far from intelligent, but I knew why they were asking.  It was so we didn’t fall from the sky and die a horrible death.  It seems that I was alone in that realization.  My fellow passengers were struck with vanity at a very bad time.  I’m hearing them say there weight and I’m adding in my head how much they’re low balling it, so by the time it got to me I had to lie also, but in a life saving way.

“And what do you weigh sir?”

“450” I say, and they looked at me like I was lying.  Of course I’m lying, do you really believe Lady Love Handles here is 110?

The Big Q Tip…Don’t lie about your weight at an airport.  Lives are depending your honesty.  Just ask R&B artist Aaliyah, oh, that’s right, you can’t, she’s dead, her plane crashed because it was too heavy.  You have a great day!