I wish I would have listened to the things people told me when we found out we were having a baby.

For example -- my brother gave me a video two months before we even had the Beast that had some dorky picture of a scientist on the cover. I never watched it. He pestered me for a month and a half, and I would not watch the video. After a week of little crying baby, I discovered for myself, for example, that you should swaddle your baby so it doesn't thwap itself in the head when it's trying to sleep.

Turns out I should have watched the video (I've watched it now), not to mention taken all the other advice people gave me and I deemed unimportant. Put away your pride, gents, and take to heart these five things you should know -- things I should have known -- when raising your baby.

1. Swaddle your baby

Wrap 'em up like a burrito. They sleep better that way, because then they aren't flailing around when they're sleeping. The Beast often whomps herself in her sleep.

2. Price does not determine how well a diaper works

When we had our first baby shower, everybody got us name-brand diapers. Then I bought some generic diapers and they worked just as good. Actually, some generic diapers fit around the waist even better -- preventing your baby from getting crap on its back.

3. Don't buy your babies fancy clothes

I mean, if it's for a special occasion, like a Christmas dress, then it's OK. But your kid will grow faster than you think, and then you'll just end up giving the clothes away.

4. Do not be ashamed of hand-me-downs

Hand-me-downs are your friend. 'Nuff said.

5. Your kid is going to get sick

My wife called me when the Beast got sick for the first time -- she said, "the Beast has a fever and apparently she has Hand and Mouth Disease." Nothing will freak you out faster than hearing your baby has a disease you thought only farm animals got. Well, listen to me. It has nothing to do with Hoof and Mouth Disease -- actually, it's pretty common for babies to get.