What super hero would you be if you could take over for a retiring crime fighter?  It's a question that's as difficult to answer as what you'd do if you had three wishes from a genie (the first thing you should always ask for is infinite wishes, BTW).  The possibilities are limitless.  It all boils down to what you're looking for in a super hero.  I can't pick just one I'd like to replace so I'll cheat and pick five (infinite wishes, remember?).



"Here I come to save the........ LINE!!" (Photo by Dean Treml/Red Bull Photofiles via Getty Images)


This is an obvious choice, isn't it?  He's the Rolls Royce of super heroes.  This would be a tough hero to replace because he was born on an alien planet and has powers whether in his super hero uniform or otherwise.  If he could transfer his alien abilities to me I'd gladly take over.  For about a year.  How could you keep up the torrid pace?  Not only do you hear every cry for help around the world, you also hold down a full time job in one of the most time-consuming, demanding jobs in the world in the newspaper business.  To be completely honest, the super power I most wanted as a child would be the power I'd least like now:  X-Ray vision.  As a youngster exploring the world (and the body) I'd love to have been able to see what's hiding.  As an adult that's seen what's underneath, let's just say, "No thanks".


Iron Man

"Talk to the hand, girlfriend" (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)


I may surprise a few people with my second choice, Iron Man.  If you really know me, though, you'll understand.  I'm assuming that Iron Man retiring means when you take over you also take over his headquarters overlooking the Pacific Ocean (his assistant Pepper, or someone equally or better looking would also be nice to have).  That headquarters means you have access to his cars, his plane, his money and his little black book.  I'm also somewhat vain, so Iron Man being the only super hero I can think of whose identity is publicly known would help my ego.  The real kicker for the deal is the technology.  I'm all about technology making my life easier, and all the cool gadgets at Mr. Stark's disposal are too much to pass up.



"Show me your war face!!" (Photo By Steve Finn/Getty Images)


If you've seen any piece of technology that crosses paths with me you'd know why I feel that I may already be the Hulk.  HULK SMASH!!!!  I've got a temper on me, and to think that could turn me into a hulking, beast of a creature is enticing.  I have a feeling I'd never lose another argument to my wife again, either.  And how great would this be to say to your children, "Kids, clean your room, brush your teeth and stop fighting with each other before daddy turns into the green thingie again"?  Awesome, right???  Of course, Bruce Banner's life expectancy has surely had to drop greatly with all the gamma exposure and such, so I'd have to take that into account.


Captain America

"Call me maybe Kim Jong Un" (Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for Madame Tussauds)


If you even have to ask why I'd like to take over for America, why not just stop beating around the bush and join the Taliban already?  This is America!  Every boy dreams of growing up to be a big hero in the Army and save his country while winning the girl and being loved by millions.  Then you grow up to realize that your old popping bones wouldn't be real stealth in a war zone and start dreaming of being a super hero.  It's the chance to be the hero without boot camp.  I'd have to make sure Captain America was indeed on Captain's pay grade, however.  He's got a cool group of friends to hang with, and I find that much better than being a loner.



"Excuse me, but there's a spider on your shoulder" (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)


I'm including Spiderman in my list because I took the "What Super Hero Are You" quiz and that's the hero they say I am.  No argument here.  There's no cape.  You can swing above the streets to avoid traffic.  He's a geek.  That last point is important because you never want to be the guy to take over for a legend, and provided Peter Parker keeps his dang mouth shut about retiring, the mask means the public doesn't know Spiderman has actually been replaced.  Of course, the obvious change in body style might concern a few (it might concern me as well if there's a weight limit to his spidey webs he uses to fly), but we can just say Spiderman has a problem with his thyroid.  The obvious drawback is that I'd have a hard time distinguishing between tingling spidey senses and tingling from a stroke or heart attack.