My (Almost) Brush with “Hootie”, AKA Darius Rucker

I've had many embarrassing moments in my life.  From an early age, my (large) size, clumsiness and lack of a sense of shame have led to many situations that might break a lesser man.  I, however, am able to shake it off and move on to the next embarrassing moment.  

How clumsy am I?  I just bought my 6th IPhone in the past 4 years.  That doesn't even account for the 4 times I had a screen replaced after it broke.  How shameless am I?  During my sophomore year of high school I was running my first-ever indoor track meet when the elastic broke on the short-shorts I was wearing.  Before I knew it my shorts were around my knees, leaving my tighty-whities to be seen by all in attendance.  Did I quit?  Run away in embarrassment?  No, I pulled up my shorts, held on tight and finished the race.  Shameless, folks.

With all these embarrassing stories, how is it that the one people continue to ask about is the time I almost met Hootie, AKA Darius Rucker.  It was the Red Dirt Mardi Gras at the Bell County Expo in 2011.  I was waiting to introduce Randy Rogers Band on stage when I noticed a line of about 10 people waiting to get their picture taken with someone.  I looked closer to see (it was dark inside the Expo) that it was a black gentleman.  I instantly had two names pass through my mind in regards to a black gentleman backstage at a country concert.  There was no way it was Charley Pride.  The only other option was Hootie.  I asked the stranger standing next to me if it was Darius Rucker.  His response was, "Are you stupid?  That's Barry Bonds".
First off, I'm a huge baseball fan and still didn't recognize the (alleged) home run king.  Second, how am I stupid for not guessing that Barry Lamar Bonds would be backstage at a Randy Rogers show in Belton, TX.  Turns out Barry is a huge fan of Randy and he just happened to be at the show.  So like everyone else, I stood in line to get a picture.  Unlike everyone else, I pestered and bugged him (even from the stage) for an interview.  He kindly lied to me about gag orders for his ongoing perjury trial and proceeded to blow me off.  I wish it had been Hootie.  He probably would've at least given me a quick interview.