Stripper Index: A Sure Fire Way To Predict The Texas Economy

Economics is one of the more confusing fields of study. It’s so difficult to understand that in school they broke it up into macro and micro-economics, because the way that the economy affects people and businesses is apparently quite a bit different that how it affects the governments in the world. Luckily there is a place that you can go that will give you a good idea of how the economy is going on both a macro and a micro level, and it’s way more exciting than CNN or Fox News. If you really want to know the financial health of a nation then you need to go to a gentleman’s club, and you need to study the Stripper Index. 

While this theory may sound like something a philandering economics professor made up to convince his wife that he was missing dinner with his family for work research it is actually a surprisingly accurate theory. The Stripper Index basically says that the more people are spending the strip club then the better the economy of the country is. When times are good the wallets will be open, dollar bills will be flying, and the parking at the Yellow Rose will be overflowing into the Crash Champions Collision Repair parking lot. However, when the economy goes into a drought it people stop making it rain in the club.  

The theory makes a lot of sense even if you don’t have a degree in finance. The lovely ladies at Naked City in Killeen rely on disposable income, and that is one of the first places that people will cut out of their regular schedule. If there are less people going to the club then there are also less tips being given, less trips to the champaign room, and not as many of your friends telling you that they think Alexis really does have a thing for them. 

So, go get a bunch of one-dollar bills from the bank to slip into a garter instead of reading the boring financial section of the newspaper or watching or listening to Jim Cramer yell at you on Mad Money. You may want to start putting a little extra money away for ramen noodles if there aren’t very many people in there, and conversely, you may want to start investing in some real estate if the dancers are having to bring out duffle bags to carry all of their money off of the stage.