Fathers Around the World Need to Buy Their Daughters This Chastity Bra
As a father to two boys, I can't begin to imagine the horror fathers face sending their daughters out into a world occupied by boys like mine. They're great kids, but hormones make normally-clear-thinking kids insane.
Fathers, for the first time since killing boys that dated their daughter was considered "ok", have a say in who gets access to their daughters' goodies. Unfortunately, this is an above-the-waist invention, but if it works as a bra, surely the application can be used further south.
It's nothing parents want to think about, their child being sexually active, but the truth is there are going to be young boys throwing themselves at their daughters for the rest of their lives. Once middle school hits, parents of daughters should be going on red alert. The sad truth is we can't be there at all times. You can't keep your daughter locked in a bubble, and despite my repeated warnings that "girls ain't nothin' but trouble until you're 25", I can't promise my boys won't do something stupid if the opportunity presents itself.
Thankfully, a couple of ingenious guys came up with a chastity bra for the 21st century. Oh yeah, there's an app for that. Hook this bad boy up and it's on until she finds true love. Once the wearer's heart rate matches that of a heart in love, the bra automatically comes undone. While this is a terrifying thought for dads of girls, it's at least a step in the right direction. The only things that would make this better would be the same concept on underwear for girls and boys that can only be undone by a parent. Talk about having to ask for a father's permission. Think of it as parental locks like you have for the TV and computer, only for your child's sanctity.
As much as this technology can be used to prevent some little perv feeling up your daughter in the front seat of his 1997 Kia, it's not foolproof. Your daughter may be one of those people that fall in love early. To perfect this for naive young girls that will believe anything a boy tells her we should make the heart sensor synch up with the boy's heart. If he's not in love the bra doesn't come off. Any boy out there can say the right thing in the heat of the moment, but the heart doesn't lie. "You're in love, huh? My Smart-Bra says differently. It's got you labeled as 'randy', but not in love".
The possibilities are limitless, and for the first time since GPS became readily available on our kids' phones, we're winning the battle against teenagers being stupid teenagers. This would also be a great app for any women that seem to have "the worst luck with guys". Anybody that's ever used that phrase is someone that's mistaken lust for love and gotten burned. Your poor judgement of a man's character can be corrected by undies that can sense its way through the BS. What a concept for a country that lacks in personal responsibility.