It’s No Longer Survival of the Fittest – It’s Now Survival Based on Being Outfitted

For all the advances in technology making our lives better, there's still that nagging feeling in the back of our minds that it will one day all come crashing down.  When it does, it's survival of the fittest.  Or the outfitted.

I'm a 21st century man.  I could probably change my oil or a flat tire, but why would I when I can have someone else do it for me?  I still mow my own lawn and all that, but when it can be outsourced I let others do the dirty work.

It always worries me, however, when that big solar flare hits us and we lose all our fancy technology, what will we do?  No electronics means no money from the bank.  That means no food from the store.  That means it's back to caveman times.

While that may seem far-fetched, me being able to survive and thrive in that chaos is even more far-fetched.  I'm a radio DJ.  In a post-apocalyptic world, I've got nothing to offer the world.  Nature says I'd be one of the first to go.

Luckily, however, there are people in the world much better at life than I am, and they create great stuff that helps level the playing field.  In a late night moment of weakness (or after a few cervezas) I ordered a Pocket Ninja off the internet.  I'd completely forgotten about it by the time it arrived in my mailbox a few weeks later.  Over the course of the past week I've seen this tiny device change my outlook on the world.

I may not be able to open a beer bottle with my teeth, or with a cigarette lighter, or using the counter top, but I've now leveled the playing field with my wallet ninja.  I may not be able to find the last place my son lost my screwdriver, but I've got my wallet ninja.  They should call this the proving-to-your-mother-in-law-that-you-can-be-real-man ninja.

Please understand that this isn't an infomercial.  This is real life.  A (somewhat) drunken purchase has given me hope that I can save my male dignity and be a "big boy" in this crazy, adult world.  On top of bottle openers and screwdrivers, this thing even uses a business card to set your phone up on the counter so you can watch Netflix while you cook dinner.  Score!!

I also got a folding knife with my pocket ninja.  Talk about a sweet bonus.  I feel like a bad boy.  I think I'm going to start wearing more leather and picking fights.  I can see it now.  "Excuse me, hoodlum, let me pull my knife out of my wallet and unfold it.  I'll just be a second here".

Short of checking for testicular cancer and giving you a colonoscopy, this thing has everything a man needs to exist in the 21st century.  I may not be able to keep my family alive for very long in a post-apocalyptic world, but we'll be able to open all the bottles and cans we have until death arrives.  That's all the comfort you need in a crazy world like ours.