Who could do such a thing?  I'd won a tupperware set fair and square at the radio station Christmas party earlier this month, only to walk outside at the end of the night to find the tupperware nowhere in sight.

I received this proof that my tupperware is still alive and unharmed today via text message from a phone not accepting incoming calls. Photo by the perps.

I was in the driver's seat with the whole Dirty Santa thing.  I picked first, which sucks, but it means I also got to pick last.  Although I'd chosen what turned out to be a crockpot, and despite my wife and I being crockpot masters that could have used another, I traded at the very end for a tupperware set.

My wife and I had just gotten into a bit of a row before work/school one morning over no clean tupperware for her lunch, and it was almost like it was meant to be.  Once I won the tupperware (fair and square, mind you) I was on the way to put it in the truck until the end of the night.  I decided to instead leave it on the front porch of my boss's house while I continued to be festive inside.

At the end of the night, while attempting to gather my winnings and head home for an early work start time the next morning, I discovered the tupperware had been stolen.  Who could do such a thing?  Good question.  The same person that would then leave threatening ransom notes and pictures of my babies being held captive in the studio.  Cowards.

This note was left in the studio last week. Photo by me.

As you can see, these people mean business.  I approached and accosted someone I thought was the tupper-napper, but the evidence I was presented by an informant turned out to be wrong.  Now, I'm back to square one.  Today, the evidence mounted.  I got a picture sent to me via an unknown number.  I tried to call the number, but my number was blocked.  The plot thickens.  This number wasn't someone's regular number, which means they've gone out and procured a Heisenburg phone.

I'd like to take a moment to plead directly with the captors.  Please, release my tupperware.  The holidays are my favorite leftovers time of the year, and missing out on well-preserved holiday treats because of a lack of tupperware with matching lids in my house is simply maddening.  I ask that you return the tupperware to its family, which misses them badly.  Even the Elf on the Shelf has been sullen and withdrawn.