Fashion magazines & blogs are telling ladies the latest "in" thing is gray hair.  The dad-bod look is the "sexy" look for guys all of a sudden.  Really?  This is just the latest sign we're headed to Mike Judge's vision of the "idiocracy" future we have in store.

Trust me.  I've been married 13 years.  I stopped caring about how I looked years ago.  My wife probably doesn't care to hear that, but look at me.  She's the only one crazy enough to love this.  I passed the dad-bod look a few cheeseburgers ago, but this may very well be the only attractive "look" I'll EVER be able to attain.  That doesn't translate to great things for the fashion industry.  If I'm within striking distance of something desirable, the train went off the tracks a few miles back.

The dad-bod being socially acceptable is actually the easier of these two fashion trends to believe.  After years of women looking at men in the fashion world, they've decided they'll never get THAT, so they may as well begin to accept THIS.  After so long of lying to themselves that THIS is as good as THAT, they've convinced themselves to believe THIS is BETTER than THAT.  I see through this lie.

The trend of gray hair is a far-fetched connection to the 50 shades of that certain color.  You should see my wife when she's in need of a visit to the stylist.  Telling my wife she has a gray hair is equal to (or worse) than telling her that the dress she's asking about DOES make her butt look fat.  It really doesn't, and it never does, but she'd still take hearing that better than hearing about a gray hair.

Just so we're clear, ladies. You think you look like Aubrey O'Day with the gray hair, but it comes off more like this youngster, Iris Apfel. Photo credit Getty Images

You can't tell me my wife is the only one obsessed about her gray hair.  I wouldn't have to sit through 20 hair coloring commercials per hour if women didn't care about a little gray.  No, no, no, this is the ladies' answer to the dudes' dad-bod.  Women are (maybe even subconsciously) going tit-for-tat, showing guys that it's a two-way street.

Ladies are saying, "OK, guys, you want to stop going to the gym and say you've got the perfect dad-body, I can start to let things go as well".  It starts with the hair, because ladies are far too superficial to let their bodies go just to prove a point.  Nope, the ladies are starting the warfare subtly, and any lady going "gray" would love to call up their stylist to get rid of it, provided we renew that gym membership first.

This is the stalemate that could be the first step down that slippery slope.  We've put up with each other's silent demands and had an unspoken agreement.  Guys will lie and say we're going to the gym when we're really stopping in for a morning kolache.  You'll be cool with that and tell us how much you love this dad-bod as long as we pretend to try AND as long as we don't complain about the money it takes for the her upkeep and beauty regime.

It appears that the gloves have come off.  We've lobbed a few munitions in each other's direction, and it's going to take something bigger than dad-bods and gray hair to end the battle.  We'll never end the war, but we can end this battle.  It'll take a whole lot of hair dye and a goodbye to sweets, but we can get this back on track.  If not, the next step is dad-sweatpants and ladies ending their waxing routine.  God help us all if it comes to that.